What’s up y’all. Welcome to da city & culture podcast. It’s ya girl Abba Parks. 

Yeah you heard right. She back. I Know it’s been a while and y’all are probably wondering where the first half of the season was going. Don’t stress imma take y’all there in a minute so go ahead grab a coffee, tea, water, something a little stronger, smoke a joint if you need to and when you’re ready let’s settle in cuz we got some shit to talk about today.

Today I want to talk about the power of reflection. Reflection is an important process of being human. Looking back at our own journey, flittering through the experiences, choosing what to hold on to and what to let go of allows us the opportunity to see things clearly and to get to know ourselves better which ultimately aids in developing discernment and adds to our courage. 

That being said we all know how messy reflection can be and if I’m being completely honest with you, which I am, reflection can be very dangerous if the person is not ready to experience that process or mature enough to handle the results when they do. You see reflecting is not just looking back and saying this ‘good thing happened, and then this good thing happened, and then a whole lot of bad shit happened and that’s why I am the way that I am, I can’t change the past’. 

No. Not at all. That is not what reflection is. That my friend is a pity party. It might be tempting to stay in that energy once an abundance of sympathy comes rolling in but it’s not healthy or sustainable. 

In fact the minute the initial sympathy wears off you’ll find that you’ll have to recreate the circumstances that caused the initial pity party over and over again in order to receive a similar wave of sympathy. This can be done by a constant rehashing of said experience with every new person that comes into your life, by projection: meaning you’re constantly looking for someone to blame or be the battle ground for your demons, or by causing physical, mental, and emotional harm to oneself. 

All of these aspect can be defined as ‘chasing the high’ once you have a taste it can be hard to let go but if you listen a little longer I promise I will share some ways to help you identify the trap within others, break the cycle if you’re in one, and learn how to use reflection as a healthy tool to develop your emotional intelligence. 

But before we get to that, let’s talk about what reflection is. 

I believe reflection is the ability to see things as they are. Not how we want them to be, or how others want us to see but just simply as they are. 

It takes a lot of mental strength to develop our minds but just like the body if we have a desire to develop a new skill or ability, we must train persistently with a commitment to achieve that goal in order to see said result. So to be able to know one’s self, to be able to see clearly, and understand the power of thought we must do the work of reflecting. 

It can be hard to keep from attaching ourselves to the thoughts that we have in our daily lives, wether they are from the past or present; which makes reflection even more of a daunting task. But knowing how to set ourselves back on track when we get dissuaded, distracted, or discouraged is the key to creating the consistency in this process that will help us detach from any expectations. 

Expectations will kill any dream that you have. So when it comes to reflection, It’s important to be honest with yourself before you begin reflecting. If you are not in a place where you can accept the things you see about yourself and begin reflecting you are creating more layers of justification that your future self will have to work through. So don’t do that to yourself. Just be honest about the fact that you’re not ready to touch that part of your psyche and move on. Which is totally ok, as long as you’re not intentionally using that as an excuse to continue harming yourself or others in order to gain sympathy.

In the first episode of this series I talk about how self knowledge is the key to mastering the board on which the game of life is played. Knowing who you are, where you came from, and where you’re going is the best way to keep you from being pulled into the narratives others create around you. 

Which can be very hard to do in today’s cultural climate. Being social is a great part of life but it’s also very scary. Trust the wrong person and watch how easy it is to lose yourself in their world. I know first hand how painful the realization is when you come face to face with a reality that does not align with who you are. That’s why I stress how important it is to bear witness to your own journey. It’s scary at first I know. We want to run and hide but at some point we must face ourselves if we want to move forward in our lives.

Writing is a great tool that we can use to get to know ourselves better and track our growth as we explore cultural landscapes.

Using creative language rather than clinical to record emotion and experience is a beautiful way to remind ourselves of the moments we feel the most like ourselves. It’s like a blueprint for our minds, so make sure your treating it like the Magna Carta. 

Keep it secret, keep it safe, and don’t tell anyone about it. 

While writing lets make sure we are being mindful of the thoughts we are holding throughout the creation process. 

We are not our thoughts but thoughts have the power to shape our world. Remember when I told y’all that in episode 3, yeah go ahead and write that down in your journal. First page. 

When we know ourselves there is no need to convince others of who we are and we have the courage to authentically express our personality. If you have a strong character and you find yourself questioning your experiences or doubting your personality around certain people, you may be getting pulled away from yourself. If you find yourself in a situation like this just get out, the grass is not greener on the other side.

But if for whatever reason you’re not able to get out ask questions of the individual or group to determine if the intent is to trap you in a pity party or to discourage you from being yourself. You’ll have to pay close attention to the way they respond or react, and the body language to see the truth behind the actions. Energy never lies and once you figure it out you’ll know how to interact with these individuals in a way that allows you to develop a safe relationship.

Awareness is our first line of defence in this world, if we are not aware of our actions or our environment we are unable to protect ourselves from those aspects and we can’t expect anyone else to either. Reflection plays a big role in building this personal defence. 

Seeing things as they are is difficult. We all want to believe the first impressions that we have when we meet new people but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years here is that first impressions ain’t shit. I give people a three to six month probationary period to see if they can consistently be who they say they are. I mean workplaces do it why can’t we?

We must have the courage to look back and see things as they are, accept things as they are, and to let go of the false narratives that are projected on to us and the ones we create within ourselves. 

When we create our own rituals that are fully reflective of our self knowledge we are bringing in the right tools to get the job done. The job being developing our minds to its full potential.

Having this awareness allows us to see the mechanisms within others that attempt to dissuade us from our truth. 

It takes time to develop this knowledge and gain this skillset but reflecting on your overall life experiences helps to create the backdrop for you to focus on the cycles within that hold the key to unlocking your greatness. 

I define greatness as arriving at you, being yourself full force without any apologies or arrogance. Just being able to stand on your own and say here I am, as I am, this is me. That to me is greatness. 

Knowing our own greatness is how we can reconnect with ourselves after we break the cycle or escape a pity party. When we study our own development we can see how overlapping cycles and patterns form the structure of our lives and if we zoom in a little closer we can see when certain events disrupted that structure or enhanced to it. 

One of my favourite tools to use in personal study is writing. You can write short stories, comedy sketches, poetry, anything really; just make sure that it’s clear to you what purpose it is serving and wether or not it’s something you feel comfortable sharing. 

Writing is for you first, so don’t get all in your thoughts about what others will think and put a lock on that diary, turn your profile private, or put a password on your blog whatever will allow you the space to explore your thoughts in safety. 

Another way we can create safety is by curating spaces for us to do the work of reflection. Having your own private space is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Feel free to fill it with all your favourite things and elements that add positivity so when you look around you’ll see yourself in everything and get overjoyed in those moments which adds even more of your essence to whatever you’re creating. Talk about personalized IP protection. 

So you see reflection can be scary, it can be daunting, it can be dangerous but it can also be beautiful. 

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing I hope you take a moment to grab a pen and paper, sit down somewhere cozy and give yourself a little time to reflect on a memory where you felt the most like you or don’t. 

Do you and I’ll catch you here next week. Same time, same place. Until then take it easy and be kind to yourself. Much love.